Doulaing

There are times in life when everything seems to happen at once. Do you know what I am talking about?

First of all there still is this rather newish baby, roles have changes, days and nights too. Then we had a lovely little wedding, I changed my last name (imagine all the paper work), we had to apply for social wellfare which is even more paper work. And, the day we came home from our short trip to Danemark I found out that I was given a place in a doula training class at Intuitive Childbirth that I had applied for. So, so exhiting!!! I am becoming a doula. But, wow, that is going to be so much work, we have to read several books, write essays, attend three birthes, two preparation classes, do local research etc.

I can't wait to dive into all this.

Now the first task is to master the pumping of milk for Maya so I can stay away long enough the actually attend birthes and classes.

I have also started a facebook page for my "business" and made cards (with my new name, yeah!) so that I have better chances of finding women who need me. You can find me here: Geburtswege gestalten.

Practicing Patience - Yarn along

I am not exactly known for my patience ususally. The more it surprises me to find myself rather calm and peaceful these last days. Due Date has passed without any exhiting news. Friends and families keep checking, but me, I just try to be still and listen to my body and my child. I feel so certain they will let me know when they are ready for this birth. I am just praying doctors and midwifes will give us the time we need and that I stay strong enough to trust my own feelings as long as possible.

A friend of mine has sent me this picture yesterday by the artist Itaiana Battoni. It was shown via the Mother Health International Faceboook page and said:

"The concept of a 'due' date is something that is very abstract in many cultures. If, like in Uganda, you count a pregnancy by the moons, you end up having a 'due month' and baby comes when she is perfectly ripe without causing mama lots of anxiety."

My children being half Ugandans I found this picture and wisdom so comforting and just the perfect thing to be given on my due date.

The days of the due month are special for sure. Even though it is my second child, each day is spent knowing it could be the last one of my life as I have known it. Something new is coming, someone else who will mix up everything. So there are special moments in every day that I live more aware and present somehow:
This morning, after I came from a doctors appointment I very spontaneously went for a (very short) walk into our nearby forest. There was still ice on the pond, the air crisp and chilly but the sky was blue and sunbeams stroke  my face. Almost invisible still, there was the first hint of green around the bushes. But the actual truth was told by all those birds: spring is just around the corner! It was one huge concert and I told my child how wonderful this earth is and that I want to show her all its beauty. What a magical half an hour time a spend there.

Last night I suddenly felt like baking. Something I had not done in quite a while. There was flour, milk and yeast in the house, so I decided on some buns. While the dough rose I thought I should make some special buns, some "due date buns" maybe. So I added some amaranth cerial to the dough with sesame and nuts, something that would keep me going the next days. In my blessing way book I found some simple symbols related to birth and shaped the buns like them. There is the Native American "Wheel of Life" (the round bun with the cross), the Maori "Koru" (the spiral) which symbolizes new beginnings and the Egyptian "Key of Life" that symbolizes birth.

I finished all the planned baby projects, knitting and sewing wise and most of the things I wanted to do around the house so I picked up some old sock project that has been sitting around for far too long. We'll see how far I get this time... 

My sister has gifted me to a skein of lovely handspun ocean colored single merino and I am still contemplating, what I should use it for. Any ideas anyone? It is very soft yarn but I am not so sure it will work for a baby project because it seems unwashable without felting to me. I am not sure.

There are many books on my night desk these days. One I have devoured (no photo) by recommendation of Lori is Spiritual Midwifery. Such a bible for birthing really. And of course I could not resist to get the 1000 Days journal by Nikki McClaire for my baby. I hope I will really manage to keep it up for her. Then there is a Doula book and one on my ever so fascinating topic of gender and a few others, I pick a page here and a passage there. Sweet days of due month...

I am joing Ginny for Yarn Along today.

The Blessingway Quilt

I wasn't actually sure baby and me would make it to our own blessingway on Saturday but somehow we did, and she still seems to feel comfortable enough  to stick around for another few days. Which is great because it gives me time to finish the very last bits and pieces. 

Since I read about a blessingway for the first time, I think it was over at Soulemamas, I so strongly wanted to give one myself, but as it happend I was the next one to get pregnant. So I was very, very happy to find out my girlfriends liked the idea too and made me have one, just the way we felt it suited us (not too much of the esotericism please). We got most of our inspiration from this wonderful book.

Attending my own blessingway was such a treat; I am still feeling so warm and loved just thinking about it. I didn't take any pictures of it though, it just didn't feel right, so words will have to do:

We met Saturday night, me and six of my closest girlfriends. After getting comfortable with tea, music, candles and oil (Every woman had brought one of those items) my friends started by introducing themselfs with the story of how they met me. And even though most of them knew eachother before some had not heared those stories yet and it was more then sweet to revisit those moments again and value friendship in such a way. We contiuned with sharing our own story of birth, of what our mums told us about it and those of us who had given birth already shared those stories too. Of course we didn't always focus 100% on the schedule so at one point we ended up talking about cars... but it just felt good anyway.

We talked about my fears and hopes for this birth, for Aarons sister, about family and friendship matters and just felt it all grow stronger. We each wrote a short letter to the unborn baby to give to her when it is time, maybe when she will turn 18? 

To make me feel supoorted and strong during the birth I recieved a bead for a bracelet from everyone which I will wear from now on and I also gave a small bracelet to each of my girlfriends to wear until they have seen the baby for the first time (or longer of course). It is so fascinating to see how such small   things can become so full of meaning and value if you give it the right moment, love and attention.

I also got pampered with a lovely foot massage and during that treat, one of the girls read a meditativ story she had written exclusively for this night.
In the end all my friends put their hands on my belly and spoke blessings, prayers and sweet words. 

While we talked on and off I continued to sew the last stitches on my baby quilt binding (that I started last summer right after I found out I was pregnant) and what better time could there have been to finally finish it? I can't stop myself from staring at it, I am so in love with it. Of course I will always call it the Blessingway Quilt.

It is time to give birth now...

Oh the nesting...

Around (very round ) 4 weeks to go and my hormons are doing a full time job at making me clean, sort, organise and redo the house. There is hardly any rest. The books I got from the library for those last lazy weeks are sitting unread on my desk. Instead there is more clearing, and sewing and knitting and shopping. I completely had forgotten how busy these weeks were. And so full of joy and wonder and expectations and worries, oh my...
Baby has been estimated rather large (not big) and the specialist that my OB told me to go to, to get a full check up, suggested to prepare myself for a possible c-section just in case. My plans for this birth are quite different though. I have booked a midwife and want to give birth at her house, a place she runs with a few other midwifes, very peaceful, sweet and beautiful. Now, after talking to my midwife after what the specialist said today  I feel more easy again to still follow my path for this birth. Why should I not be able to give birth to a large baby, hey?! What helps also to take my fears, is reading lots and lots of birth stories over at Birth without fear, such a wonderful, encouraging blog in times like this.
Aarons birth was nothing I have to repeat, although we managed to avoid the c-section in the end. It all started very well at home, and ended 36 hours and 6 hours of pressing later in hospital with epidural, vacuum, doctors jumping on my belly and so on. It toke me days, rather weeks to build a connection to my baby. This time I want to prepare myself differently, somehow. We'll see how that goes.

Until then let me show you what I busy myself with theses days:

We moved the changing table that was still standing in Aarons room to our bedroom. So Aarons room was painted a little and became more kids-like and less babyish. I thrifted this wooden folding table (his room is very small and he like to play football in it). The chairs I found at the street a while back.

My heart is beating with pride when I tell you Aaron has finally discovered his love for colors and painting. We truely enjoy those times together and made a few colored hearts for his baby sister and pinned them next to the changing table. Creating her a tiny little corner full of love.

The gnome I have knitted last year from hand dyed and spun wool, Aaron got a simular one in green. 

The sewing, I almost forgot to mention is happening a lot too, the cover on the changing table for example. I am using mainly fabric with african prints at the moment, it feels so much like us somehow. Those two Saroul were made yesterday, so very simple and fast and so cute and comfy. I gave them a warm inlay for that early spring baby to be nice and warm. The purple fabric is, surprise, thrifted from an old dress I bought just because of the fabric last spring. I even wrote about it here.

I guess except baby talk there will be little to be found on this blog in the next weeks, I hope you don't mind and still join me for the countdown...

Honoring our bellies - Weekending

Things are getting back to normal around here. We are back in Cologne, Aaron is alive and kicking as usual, only I am still fighting a cold still but our energy levels are definatly reloaded. Just about in time to do some last baby preparation activities.
When I was very pregnant with Aaron my friends daughter painted a wonderful dragon on my belly so we wanted to keep up that painting tradition and came back together for it again today. Only today we had a few more participants.

I absolutly adore the coloring pencils we used this time. They are Aarons normal pencils he uses to draw with a lot on paper. Giving them a little water turns them into water colors though. Size and shape are perfect for little (and big) hands, they never break and last forever. Genius, really! ( And I am not getting any money for saying this ;-) ) For belly painting you just dip the top in water and off you go! Just wipe it off with a wet cloth any time from the skin and if any color got into our clothes just give them a normal wash. No mess what so ever!

I hope you recognize the beautiful butterfly on my belly. Aaron got a fire brigade because he loves the "tutatata" as he calles the blue light hooter nowadays. My friends daughter wanted a flower herself and her brother (and my godson) asked for a monster truck... I tell you we had a very busy and funny sunday afternoon. How has been your weekend?

Joing Amanda from "the habit of being" for weekending

Wundertüte

When Aaron was a newborn baby someone gave me a cotton kicking bag for him which was open at the feet. I really liked it. Aaron could enjoy his naked feet, feel snuggled up and diaper changes were a quick thing.

For his sister I wanted to knit something simular, but with a hood, for the very first weeks and so I came up with my own first knittig pattern I called Wundertüte. A Wundertüte in Germany is like a surprise bag, filled with candy and small toys.

I want to share the notes with you but I am not sure I wrote them very correctly yet. If you tried the pattern and have any questions or suggestions, please help me to improve the pattern so it will help others too.

Since the baby is only due in March I asked Charly, Aarons doll, to help me out as a model. He is doing a fine job don't you think?

Pattern notes: 

Use any yarn you like that is fine for needle size 5mm/ US 8. I used some handspun goodness my sister gave me, because it was quite thin I knitted it double stranded.

Cast on 82sts, join in round, k1, p1 for 6 rounds, circumference of cuff appr. 22".

In the next round increase sts to 98 sts by kfb every 5 sts (increase 16 sts in total)

Continue in rounds until piece messures 14". 

For collar and hood start working in stockinett rows back and forth (knit one row, purl one row) for another 3".

Decrease row 1: k2, k2tg, continue til end of row, purl row

Decrease row 2: k3, *k2tg, k1, continue from * till las 3 sts, k3. You should have 47 sts in total now.

Continue Stockinett for another 4,5".

Use stitchmarker to mark next purl round: p5, pm, p22, pm, p22, pm, p5.

Next knit row decrease like this: k5, ssk, k until 2sts before marker, k2tg, k3, ssk, knit until 2 sts before marker, k2tg, k5. Purl next row.

Repeat the last two rows until the 22 sts between each marker have decreased to 3 sts. Decrease these 3 sts to one sts by slipping two sts together as if knitting, k1, lift last two slipped sts over that knitted sts. 15 sts remaining in total. Pull yarn through last 15 sts and close top tightly.

Pick up 74 sts around the hood starting and ending at the collar opening. Do not join them in round. K1P1 back and forth for 4 rounds, Cast off loosely.

Pick up two sts for i-cord each side of the collar, Knit i-cord depending on how long you want it to be. I didn't want to use a button so it is really safe for the baby and nothing can be swallowed.

Ravelry link here.

This is a copywritten pattern, please do not sell this pattern, you may sell items knitted from this pattern providing that I, Gesche Ahlers@Kirschenzeit  am credited and linked as the designer.

Not so neutral

I must admit I am not a very safe secret keeper. At least when it comes to my own secrets, as long as they only content good news.  I basically want to shout it out! And it so happend as soon as I knew I was pregnant. A few days later, most of my friends and familiy knew it too. Even at work I didn't manage to wait the full twelve weeks, impossible to me. I really admire people who are able to do so but I don't understand at all how they survive.
So, today at the ultra sound, my wee little baby decided to reveal its gender and I want to tell the whole wide world: It's a girl!!! Honestly, I am so, so happy. I know, I shouldn't mind so much and I do feel sorry for the little boy it could have been also, wondering if I really would have been as happy about him, as I am now.  And I was very sure to get another boy, a brother for Aaron, who would probably have prefered that long term. I should have looked at my knittings of the last month to know better...

I used my best of stash for the first baby projects. The Aviatrix helmet and baby legs are knit with the softest angora wool, hand spun by my lovely sister. The Pebble and the Saartje Booties are from some of the yarn we dyed at the fiber-festival in July and the Puerperium was knit with delicious Noro Silk. If only I remembered where I put the buttons for it...

Now that I know I will start on some dresses and tunics like this one,  my fingers are itching...

I am still confused about my strong feelings towards a girl though. I have always considered myself being rather gender neutral, as in I want my boy to get all the chances there are to learn about football as much as about ballet, to play with dolls and his wooden kitchen as much as with his cars and so on. I am very interested in gender neutral education. There is a kindergarten in Sweden where they take that very serious and talk about the kids not as he or she but using a third, neutral pronoun adopted from the Finish. I read about this kid, Charly, who is raised without the mum anouncing the gender to anyone.  And I am still thinking how much of gender behavior is really genetic. Still, this girl inside of me, knowing I am having the most wonderful boy, made me so very happy. Why does it matter so much to me? I am still looking for answers.